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Mark said tonight that Sophie had been referring to him as Daddy sometimes over the weekend. Her actual Dad fucked off when she was 2. She sometimes refers to me as Mummy. We decided to go with it as she’s only 5 and probably needs those figures in her life to call Mummy and Daddy. But how will we explain in the school playground that the people she calls Mummy and Daddy are actually brother and sister 😂🤦‍♀️. Just poured what I’ve promised myself will be my last alcoholic drink of my life!! Again!

9

Mark brought Sophie back today. I’ve missed her. But of course, cos I’m a knob, I have been drinking wine. Tomorrows a new day! I need to get this under control. I don’t feel much today obviously because I’ve been drinking and it masks it

8

Epic fail today! EPIC!! Does anyone have any help, tips, advice?!? HELP!

7

Sophie’s coming back today and I’m currently lying in bed with a massive hangover, scared to move, hungry and just waiting for my Dad to notice that half of whiskey has disappeared over night!

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I have woken up wondering when I can start drinking again. How do I crack this?

4

Still awake! Sophie is at my brothers this weekend! Get it together!!!

3

I know my biggest problem right now is facing up to losing my sister without the cling film of alcohol, she was my best friend as well: but I need to change things around! For her daughter!!

2

I have to be 100% honest in this blog as well which I WILL be. What I should do is tip this whiskey and orange juice away!

1

It’s just gone 5:30am here in England! I’ve just got back into bed. I’ve brought up some of my Dads whiskey that I’ve stolen mixed with some orange juice. All placed nicely together in a portable coffee cup! And that’s after drinking about two bottles of wine as well, which seems to have become a daily thing for me. This alcoholic drink will be the last one that I ever have. I clearly have my issues with alcohol, although I seem to hide it well. Or maybe my friends and family aren’t telling me! Two months ago my little sister dropped dead, she was a heavy drinker as well. And a single parent to a 5 year old. I drank with my little sister a lot and if she reads this blog up there, I’m sorry. But now for her and her daughter it’s time for me to stop this and step up. And I’m using this blog to write about my sister, me, her daughter, our family, how we got to this stage and our journey moving forward. Good, bad, funny and sad ❤️. Really I’m using this more as a diary for me! Cos obviously I’m drunk right now! But I can do this! Anastasia Beaverhausen is the name my sister and I would laugh at! I miss her a lot xx here goes!